Do Nice Guys Finish Last? “NOT TRUE,” Say Experts

Do nice guys really finish last? Okay, let me put this the other way — why do people who often cheat, lie, or manipulate their way to the top often seem more successful than honest and hardworking “nice” guys? Can the “nice guys” succeed too, or are they doomed to be suckers? Is the world an unfair place?

The answers aren’t all peaches and cream, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t plenty of good news to give us hope. 

Let’s start with the bad news first!

The bad news

Sometimes being bad can be a good thing

You know, it’s funny how we’re often told that playing by the rules and working hard is the key to success. But when you look around, it seems like there are plenty of people who don’t follow those rules yet still manage to get ahead.

In fact, research has shown that sometimes being bad can actually be a good thing when it comes to success. I know that might sound counterintuitive, but hear me out.

For one thing, studies have shown that effort isn’t always the best predictor of success. In fact, it can be one of the worst! Instead, managing the impression that others have of you can be far more important. 

That means that those who are able to make a good impression on their boss or colleagues may be more likely to get ahead, even if they’re not necessarily the hardest workers.

And let’s not forget about the idea that playing fair is always the way to go. While it’s certainly important to have a sense of ethics and integrity, research has shown that those who are willing to bend the rules or cut corners may be able to achieve success more quickly or easily.

Of course, I’m not saying that you should throw your morals out the window and become a dishonest or lazy person. But it’s worth acknowledging that the path to success isn’t always as straightforward as we’re led to believe. Sometimes, a little strategic rule-breaking or impression management can go a long way.

The surprising truth of the good ol’ ass kissing — it always works, even if insincere

Have you ever heard the phrase “good things come to those who work hard”? Well, it turns out that might not always be the case. In fact, according to research, there’s something else that might be even more important when it comes to success: good ol’ ass-kissing.

Now, I know that might sound a little bit slimy, but here’s the thing — studies have shown that flattering your boss can be incredibly effective, even if they know that you’re not being sincere. In fact, Jennifer Chatman, a professor at the University of California, conducted a study to see at what point flattery would backfire, and she couldn’t find one.

It might seem unfair, but the fact is that as long as you keep your boss happy, your performance might not matter all that much. On the other hand, if you upset your boss, even if you’re doing great work, it might not be enough to save you.

I know that can be a tough pill to swallow, especially if you’re the type of person who believes in working hard and playing fair. But the truth is, the world isn’t always a fair place, and sometimes you need to play the game in order to get ahead.

So, the next time you’re feeling frustrated that your hard work isn’t paying off, consider whether there might be other factors at play. And remember, a little bit of ass-kissing might not be such a bad thing after all — not saying you should be doing it, but leaving this bit to your wisdom… Good luck with that!

Men low in “agreeableness” personality traits make much more than men with high “agreeableness” traits

When joining a new job, how do you negotiate your salary? Do you approach it with a win-win, mutual-benefit attitude? (If yes, it means that you’re a person with high “agreeableness” traits)

Well, unfortunately, that may not be the most effective approach. Research shows that people who are more self-interested and push harder for higher pay often end up making as much as $10,000 more than those who don’t. And if you’re a bit of a jerk, that might actually work in your favor too. In fact, rude people even tend to have higher credit scores! (These are the men low in “agreeableness” traits)

It’s a sad truth that we often mistake kindness for weakness, and being too nice can actually lead people to see us as less competent. On the other hand, those who break the rules and act like jerks are often perceived as more powerful. It might sound crazy, but negative traits can even make you more likely to become a leader. 

Studies have shown that the managers who quickly climb the corporate ladder aren’t always team players or taskmasters but rather those who are most focused on gaining power.

Being a downtrodden nice guy can actually kill you

Okay, to rub salt in your wound, it’s not just that jerks do well; being a downtrodden nice guy can kill you!

Have you ever been in a situation where you were being nice and kind to someone, and they completely took advantage of you? 

Studies have shown that having little control over your work can increase your risk of heart disease more than obesity or hypertension. On the other hand, those who engage in some good old-fashioned ass-kissing have reportedly reduced workplace stress, leading to improved happiness and physical health.

But let’s not jump to conclusions and assume that being a jerk is the only way to succeed. Sure, some of them may be using duplicitous tactics, but we can learn something valuable from them: they are assertive about what they want, and they’re not afraid to let others know about their achievements.

Does this sound like as if I’m encouraging you to be a jerk? Hold your horses, we’re just getting started. Yes, it’s true that jerks often seem to come out on top in the short term. They cheat, they lie, and they manipulate their way to success… But now, let’s hear the other side of the story — the good news!

The good news

Research shows that it’s always the nice guys who win in the long run

Let me try to put this as best as I can.

Imagine, for a moment, that you were a bully! It works well as long as you’re the only bully out there.

But what happens if everybody else around you is a bully? 

Think for a moment. Let that sink in.

Because when everyone is a bully, nobody is safe. This is especially true in the workplace, where being a jerk can create an atmosphere of mistrust and animosity. So, let’s take a closer look at why being a bully might not be as great as it seems.

It’s one thing to be a bully growing up as a kid, but it’s an entirely different ball game when you’re a jerk in the office — you create an atmosphere of mistrust! 

Read:Top 5 reasons why misfits end up winning in life.

What does being a jerk, in the long run, lead to?

A case study on Moldova

In fact, there was a study conducted by Ruut Veenhoven, a Dutch sociologist, on happiness. He maintains a world database of happiness. And when he looked up all the data on happiness, he saw that Moldova came dead last on the happiness index.

Moldova is a little-known former Soviet republic, bordered by Ukraine to the east and Romania to the west. 

Since its independence from the Soviet Union in 1991, it has struggled politically and financially and continues to be one of the poorest countries in Europe, with high levels of corruption and political instability.

So what made the Moldovans the most unhappy country in the world?

As it turns out, Moldovans don’t trust each other — Write Eric Weiner notes that since so many students bribe their teacher to pass their exams, Moldovans don’t go to any doctor under the age of 35, assuming they’d have bought their medical degrees.

Also, since people don’t trust each other, it’s impossible to get Moldovans to work together for the collective good of society. 

No one wants to do anything that benefits others. Lack of trust has turned Moldova into an epicenter of selfishness.

So, what went wrong with Moldovans?

Studies show that when others cheat and get away with it, it leads to even more cheating across the board

Researcher Dan Ariely of Duke University points out that when others cheat and get away with it, you are more likely to do the same. After all, who wants to be the sucker who plays by the rules when no one else does it. 

When everyone else around you cheat, it becomes an acceptable social norm, we all can relate to. After all, do you really follow traffic rules all the time?

And when you’re caught by the police, we all feel a sense of injustice done to us, don’t we? Everyone does it, so why catch me alone? 

It’s true when people cut corners, it benefits them, but that happens in the short run. And it’s only a matter of time before others start cutting corners too. 

This isn’t just true about Moldova. Go to any city, town, or state, and if you see people cutting corners and getting away with it, chances are high that the place is plagued with corruption, poverty, and a lack of trust. 

The quality of a society is more important than your place in that society

Ruut Veenhoven

Bad behavior is infectious; when you cut corners, good people leave

Don’t we see that happen too often in a toxic workplace?

I sure have, and let me tell you, it was one of the worst experiences of my life. The constant negativity, backstabbing, and lack of support took a toll on my mental health and well-being. It wasn’t until I left that I realized just how toxic that environment was and how it was holding me back from reaching my full potential.

Working in a toxic workplace can be a career killer. It can damage your reputation, hinder your growth, and even affect your physical health. It’s like breathing in toxic smoke — it slowly poisons you until you can’t take it anymore.

So, if you find yourself in a toxic work environment, don’t wait like I did. Take action and leave at the very first sign of trouble. Don’t let a toxic workplace sabotage your career and well-being. Remember, you deserve to work in a positive and supportive environment where you can thrive and grow, and this principle applies to every area of your life!

This is what happened in Moldova. When good people left, all that was left of it was a bunch of jerks people found hard to trust.

And once trust goes out, everything goes! 

If you are a jerk, nobody is gonna trust you. And even if you won, you’ve still got a problem. You’ve shown people that the only way to win is by breaking the rules. It’s just a matter of time before they will do it too. People are practical; they do what works. So essentially, what you have done is created predators like yourself, whom neither you nor anyone else can trust.

So, coming back to our question, do nice guys win? Yes, they always do in the long haul.

Let’s look at more such case studies and examples. Shall we?

The surprising science behind nice Guys: Why being kind pays off in the long run!

The prisoner’s dilemma

In previous sections, we discussed how being the bad guy can pay off in the short run. Then we talked about the good news — how the nice guys always win in the long run and why being a jerk isn’t good in the long run — we talked about the Moldovan case study and how bad behavior spreads and leads to corruption crime, and poverty when good people leave, and so on.

Continuing along the same vein, let’s look at some studies and research to show why the nice guys always win in the end. Shall we?

The Prisoner’s Dilemma is a classic game theory experiment designed by Robert Axelrod to study trust and cooperation. 

Let me oversimplify this experiment for you.

Picture this: you and your partner in crime have been arrested for stealing. The police separate you both and offer each of you a deal: 

• If you testify against your partner and they stay silent, you’ll go free while your partner gets five years in prison. 
• If you both stay silent, you’ll both get one year in jail. 
• But if you both testify against each other, you’ll each get three years.

It’s a tricky situation, isn’t it? 

You might think that the best option is to betray your partner and testify against them.

After all, if they stay silent, you’ll be free. But what if they do the same and betray you? You’ll both end up with three years in prison.

That’s where trust and cooperation come into play. If both of you stay silent, you’ll both get the least amount of jail time. But how do you know you can trust your partner to stay silent too? 

Axelrod invited game theorists from around the world to submit computer programs that could play the prisoner’s dilemma game against each other. 

The rules of the game were simple: two players would each choose to either cooperate or defect, and they would receive points based on their choices. 

• If one player chose to cooperate and the other chose to defect, the cooperating player would receive 0 points, and the defecting player would receive 5 points. 
• If both players chose to cooperate, they would each receive 3 points. 
• If both players chose to defect, they would each receive 1 point.

Researchers from psychology, economics, math, sociology, and other disciplines sent in a total of fourteen algorithms plus one program that would behave randomly.

One of the programs was insanely nice: it always trusted its opponent even after being screwed over.

Another program named ALL D was the opposite: it always betrayed its opponents without fail.

The rest of the other programs rested somewhere in between.

The experiment was run as a round-robin tournament, meaning each participant or team played against every other participant or team in the tournament. 

(In a round-robin tournament, all players or teams have an equal opportunity to play against each other, and the results are determined by the total number of wins, losses, and ties that each participant or team earns).

Axelrod’s initial expectation was that the program that scored the most points would be one that was designed to be the most aggressive and selfish, always choosing to defect.

But guess what? 

Shockingly, to the surprise of Axelrod, the program that won, in the end, was a “good” program called “Tit-for-tat” (TFT).

All TFT did was cooperate in the first round of the game and, in the subsequent round, did whatever its opponent did in the previous round. For example, if the opponent cooperated, it cooperated, and if it betrayed, it betrayed too.

This game was played a second time, this time, even more players participated in this game, and TFT won again, then again in the next game, and so on; TFT won time and again.

Lessons learned from Prisoner’s dilemma game

Looking at the results of this game, Axelrod concluded that the results of the game came down to a few key points:

• At the beginning of the game, the “good guys” who were trying to be fair and cooperative got their butts kicked! Even TFT, the eventual winner, was a bit of a pushover at first because it started by being nice and cooperating.
• But as the game went on, something interesting happened. The bad guys couldn’t keep up with the gains that the good guys were making by cooperating. TFT, who was nice but not a doormat, started to team up with other “nice” players, and together they punished the bad guys who were always trying to cheat and betray others.
• So, even though the good guys got off to a rough start, they eventually turned the tables and won the game. It just goes to show that sometimes, being nice can actually be a really smart strategy in the long run.

TFT was the ultimate champion of the Prisoner’s Dilemma game, and it wasn’t because it was some kind of ruthless powerhouse. No, TFT’s secret was that it was nice, forgiving, and knew how to stand up for itself when it needed to.

At first, TFT was getting bullied by the “bad guys” who were always trying to cheat and deceive others. But TFT didn’t let that get it down. It kept being nice and cooperating with others, but it was also smart enough to retaliate when someone betrayed its trust. That sent a powerful message to the other “bad guys.”

But TFT wasn’t just about revenge. It was also forgiving. If someone made a mistake and betrayed TFT, it would forgive them and go back to cooperating. It is understood that sometimes people mess up, but that doesn’t mean they’re all bad.

So, in the end, TFT’s success came down to a balance of being nice, forgiving, and firm. It knew when to stand up for itself, but it also knew how to build trust and cooperation with others. And that’s a lesson we can all take to heart, whether we’re playing a game or navigating life in the real world.

Conclusion

The Prisoner’s Dilemma game teaches us some important lessons about cooperation, trust, and success. It shows that even in a tough environment, being nice and working with others can lead to great outcomes in the long run.

The “nice guys” may take a few hits in the short term, but when they team up with other nice guys, they create a strong network of trust and cooperation. They build a reputation for being fair and reliable, and that can pay off big time when it comes to achieving success.

Whether we’re playing a game or navigating life in the real world, the principles of the Prisoner’s Dilemma game still hold true. We can learn to be forgiving but also firm when necessary. We can build strong relationships with others based on mutual trust and cooperation. And in the end, we can rise to the top of our success metrics, not by cheating or betraying others but by being the kind of person that others want to work with and support.

References:

Barking up the wrong tree by Eric Barker. Buy the book here.