Why do we lose confidence?
We often lose confidence due to psychological factors like fear of failure, negative self-talk, comparison to others, imposter syndrome, past traumas, perfectionism, and overthinking. Environmental influences such as lack of preparation, lack of support, toxic surroundings, burnout, and major life changes can also chip away at our self-belief. Personal issues like lack of purpose, criticism, dwelling on mistakes, lack of self-awareness, poor body image, and lack of assertiveness further undermine our confidence.
Why We Lose Confidence:
Here are 18 reasons why we lose confidence:
- Fear of Failure: The mere possibility of not succeeding can straight-up paralyze us, preventing us from taking any risks at all. We get so hung up on the fear of messing up that we don’t even try in the first place.
- Negative Self-Talk: We can be our own worst critics, constantly putting ourselves down with harsh internal criticism. Over time, this negative self-talk erodes our self-esteem and makes us question our abilities.
- Comparison to Others: In this social media age, it’s so easy to fall into the trap of constantly measuring ourselves against others. Whether it’s their accomplishments, looks, or seemingly perfect lives, these upward comparisons fuel major feelings of inadequacy.
- Imposter Syndrome: Even super accomplished people can struggle with imposter syndrome – this persistent feeling that you’re a total fraud despite all your achievements. It breeds self-doubt and a fear of being exposed as a phony.
- Past Traumas: Difficult experiences from our past can leave some deep emotional scars that linger and undermine our self-belief for years to come, even if we’ve moved on from the original situation.
- Perfectionism: While aiming high is great, setting impossibly high standards for ourselves leads to constant disappointment when we inevitably fall short of perfection. It reinforces the idea that we’re never quite good enough.
- Lack of Preparation: Have you ever felt totally unprepared for something important? That feeling of being under-qualified or lacking the right skills/knowledge can make any situation way more intimidating than it needs to be.
- Overthinking: Overanalyzing every little detail and constantly second-guessing ourselves is a surefire path to self-doubt and paralysis. Our brains can take us down some ridiculous mental rabbit holes.
- Lack of Support: Having a solid support system is huge for maintaining confidence. When we feel isolated or unsupported by friends, family, or colleagues, it leaves us feeling vulnerable and lacking that vital encouragement.
- Toxic Environments: Spending too much time in negative, critical, or toxic environments – whether it’s at work, home, or elsewhere – that shit will slowly but surely erode your confidence over time. Constant negativity is like a perpetual drag.
- Burnout: When we’re physically and mentally exhausted, our ability to perform at our best takes a major hit. That depletion of energy and motivation can leave us doubting our capabilities and resilience.
- Major Life Changes: Even positive changes like starting a new job or becoming a parent can shake our sense of stability and self-confidence as we adapt to new roles and environments.
- Lack of Purpose: Feeling disconnected from a sense of purpose or meaning in life can straight-up kill our motivation and leave us doubting ourselves. Why even try if we don’t know what we’re working towards?
- Criticism/Rejection: It doesn’t take much for frequent criticism or rejection – whether from others or our own inner critic – to significantly damage our self-belief and confidence. That stuff stings.
- Dwelling on Mistakes: We all mess up sometimes, but obsessively focusing on our past errors and missteps prevents us from moving forward. It becomes a mental roadblock that hinders progress.
- Lack of Self-Awareness: Not having a solid understanding of our own strengths, weaknesses, values, and goals can leave us feeling lost and insecure about our abilities.
- Poor Body Image: Our perception and feelings about our physical appearance can absolutely impact our overall self-confidence. Societal pressures and unrealistic beauty standards are toxic.
- Lack of Assertiveness: Not speaking up for ourselves and communicating our needs/boundaries leaves us feeling undervalued, unheard, and lacking any sense of control. It’s soul-crushing.
How to Be Confident:
Regaining and sustaining real confidence is an ongoing process, but one that is absolutely worth the effort. By being intentional about adopting certain mindsets and practices, you can overcome the psychological hurdles that drain your self-assurance. The path isn’t always easy, but sticking with it allows you to live life with a completely different level of inner strength and belief in yourself.
So where do you start? First, recognize the importance of:
(1) Finding Your Pond – Confidence isn’t about how smart you are. It’s how smart you feel relative to other people in your circle.
In his book “David & Goliath,” Malcolm Gladwell refers to a study where researchers compared students with equal academic abilities who attended schools with different levels of competitiveness.
Surprisingly, students attending less competitive schools consistently reported higher academic self-confidence than their equally capable peers in more elite schools.
This highlights the profound influence our environment has on how we perceive our own abilities.
Even students with exceptional talent can feel discouraged and view themselves as less capable when surrounded by highly achieving peers.
The study underscores that our sense of self is influenced not only by our absolute skill but also by how we measure up against others. It emphasizes the importance of finding the right “pond” – an environment that supports our growth without making us feel inadequate due to constant upward comparisons.
(2) Practice Makes Progress – Confidence is a skill not a personality trait.
The idea that confidence is something you’re either born with or without is a harmful myth. The truth is, confidence is a skill that anyone can develop and strengthen with practice. Just like learning to play guitar or mastering a new language, building confidence takes dedication and effort.
Think of it like a muscle: the more you exercise it, the stronger it becomes.
Small, consistent steps – like challenging negative self-talk, stepping outside your comfort zone, setting healthy boundaries, or focusing on accomplishments rather than failures – contribute to a stronger sense of self-belief.
Confidence is within your control. It’s not about becoming someone you’re not, but unlocking the potential that already exists inside you. With patience and perseverance, you can transform doubt into determination, unlocking new opportunities and living a more fulfilling life.
(3) Good Company Matters – Confidence is contagious.
Woow!!! Have you ever noticed how being around someone who believes in themselves can make you feel more capable? This is the real magic of confidence – it inspires and uplifts those around them.
When you surround yourself with confident people, you witness firsthand that a ‘can-do’ attitude is possible. There’s a lot you can learn from their positive outlook, determination, and willingness to take risks. This exposure can dismantle limiting beliefs and replace them with a sense of “if they can do it, I can too.“
Confident people act as mentors, whether intentionally or not. They model positive self-talk, resilience in the face of setbacks, and the courage to pursue their goals. By emulating these behaviors, you begin to build your own confidence. Remember, confidence breeds confidence – choose your circle wisely and watch your own confidence grow.
(4) Embrace the Struggle – Failure is a part of the journey. You learn nothing from success.
Failure is an inseparable part of the journey to achievement. You learn nothing from success. It’s within those moments of setbacks and mistakes that we find the most valuable lessons for growth and build an unshakeable foundation for our future confidence.
Each failure holds the key to resilience. It forces us to adapt, find new solutions, and develop the grit to persevere.
Mistakes teach us what doesn’t work, guiding us towards better strategies. And paradoxically, it’s the experience of overcoming failures that cultivates the deepest sense of self-belief.
Embracing a mindset where failure is a teacher, not a final verdict, transforms it into a stepping stone. Instead of letting setbacks define you, use them as tools to build your character. This approach cultivates an unwavering confidence that isn’t dependent on perfect outcomes, but rather on the courage to keep trying, learning, and growing.
Read: Lessons you learn too late in life.
(5) Prepare to Slay – Preparation breeds confidence.
Imagine two scenarios: walking into a crucial exam you’ve thoroughly studied for, or winging it without preparation. In which scenario would you feel more confident? The answer is clear. Preparation is the secret weapon against nervousness and self-doubt.
When you invest time and effort into understanding your subject matter, practicing skills, or anticipating challenges, you replace uncertainty with competence.
Preparation isn’t just about knowledge; it’s about mindset. It reinforces the belief that you’ve put in the work, reducing the fear of the unknown. Whether it’s a job interview, presentation, or a difficult conversation, preparation gives you the confidence to believe in yourself and tackle any challenge with a “I’ve got this” attitude.
(6) Strike a Pose – Body language matters.
If you aren’t feeling confident, try sitting straight next time. Standing tall, maintaining good posture, and making eye contact not only project confidence to others but also send powerful signals to your own brain. It’s a fascinating feedback loop – the way you carry yourself directly influences how you feel on the inside.
Slouching for whatever reason, makes you feel insecure and uncertain. In contrast, good posture with your shoulders back and head held high signals to yourself and others that you are self-assured and capable. Direct eye contact conveys engagement, sincerity, and a healthy dose of self-belief.
This simple act of standing a little taller, looking people in the eye starts to rewire your brain to believe in your own potential. So remember, body language is a powerful tool; use it to communicate confidence outwardly and cultivate it within.
Read: Surprising reasons why introverts are ignored.
(7) Progress Over Perfection – Confidence isn’t about being perfect.
True confidence isn’t about the absence of fear or the guarantee of success. Rather, it lies in the unwavering belief in yourself – in your ability to figure things out along the way. Confident people recognize this.
Instead of getting stuck in analysis paralysis, they embrace progress over perfection and try new things knowing that growth lies on the other side of discomfort.
It’s about trusting your instincts, your preparation, and your ability to adapt. Remember, the greatest successes often come from a willingness to try, mess up, and try again.
Conclusion
To conclude, real lasting confidence takes work, but it’s 100% worth the effort. Once you overcome those psychological hurdles and develop self-assurance, you open up so many more doors and live life on a different level. It’s a game-changer. Stay focused on personal growth, self-compassion, and choosing the right environment to thrive in. If you’re willing to keep putting in the reps, unshakable confidence will be yours. Trust me on that. Cheers 🙂
