Why “Honey” Doesn’t Always Mean Sweetness
In any relationship, animosity often disguises itself in seemingly harmless words, the words that would appear harmless on paper. These words may not be offensive but said in such a tone or voice or at such a moment that they can feel like a punch in the face. You know, the kind of thing, “I simply ask her what time dinner will be, and she flies into a temper.”
Sweet Words, Bitter Intentions
Ever wondered why when friends cuss, you don’t feel insulted but your relative’s innocent-sounding, “Toh beta kya karte ho ajkal?” (So, son what do you do these days?), feels like a slap in the face?
Or suppose,
You are walking down the aisle of a train and you trip over someone’s leg by mistake? Annoying, sure, but no big deal right?
But what if that person deliberately tries to trip you? Now will that make you angry? I suppose that would.
Right?
So why does it happen that when someone trips you by mistake, you don’t get angry, but when a person deliberately tries to trip you, it throws you off the handle, even though you haven’t fallen over?
Why does it happen that your friends’ playful cussing rolls off your back, but when a relative speaks to you “sweetly,” you are irritated?
Read: Is love a feeling or a choice?
When “Nice” Words Sting
It’s all about intentions…
To insult someone, you don’t necessarily have to be rude.. You don’t have to use “harsh words” to put them down. People do that all the time, at home, in the office, you name it.
They use subtle words, a certain tone, taunts, or backhanded compliments to belittle you. Their intention? To cut you down to size, plain and simple!
“Mera bada beta toh Dubai me rehta hai, aur chota wala Lucknow ke pas rehta hai. Apka beta kaha hai?” (My elder son lives in Dubai, and the younger one is close to Lucknow. Where is your son nowadays?) Ouch.
Such remarks are often veiled in casual conversations but they carry a sting, a sting intended to belittle someone they don’t like. Perhaps they are jealous or are just trying to feel superior. Whatever the reason, it’s a classic move to make you feel small without crossing the line into obvious rudeness.
The tone of their voice, the choice of words, and the context are all meticulously crafted to ensure the insult lands effectively without being overtly hostile. You know, the kind of thing, “I simply ask her what time dinner will be, and she flies into a temper.”
These subtle taunts can be more damaging than outright insults because they are harder to confront and address.
When someone is overtly harsh or uses offensive language, it’s clear that an insult has been made and it’s easier to call out that behaviour. But, with subtle taunts, the insult is clothed in seemingly innocent or polite words, making it difficult to pinpoint the exact moment of offense.
And because these taunts are not overt, you begin to second guess your feelings, wondering if you’re overreacting or misinterpreting the intent behind the words.
This uncertainty can make it challenging to articulate why the comment was hurtful.
You may fear that if you respond, you will be perceived as petty or overly emotional, which can further undermine your confidence.
Subtle taunts can leave a lasting psychological impact. They can make you feel inadequate. This feeling of inadequacy can erode your self-esteem. You might become defensive, always on edge, anticipating the next veiled criticism, which can strain your interactions with others.
If you respond too strongly, you risk escalating the situation or being seen as the aggressor. On the other hand, if you ignore the taunts, it might encourage the person to continue or even escalate their behavior. This dilemma leaves you in a constant state of tension, unsure of the best way to protect your dignity without causing further conflict.
So, while subtle taunts may not appear harmful on the surface, their impact can be profound and lasting.
Read: Why do we lose confidence?
Emotional Quotient (EQ): People Simply Lack Empathy
Sometimes people are rude without realizing it. They just can’t (or won’t) put themselves in your shoes.
“Empathy allows you to see things from another person’s perspective and understand their emotions.”
Read a story somewhere, about a family struggling financially..
“I remember the days when we ate chutney because there were days when we didn’t have any vegetables.
His clueless friends would poke fun at him, ‘Why do you always bring potato curry for lunch?‘
They failed to understand that it was the only vegetable that was affordable, and hence always the potato curry.
The friends’ comments, though perhaps not meant to be hurtful, added to the person’s embarrassment. They failed to see beyond the surface and understand the real reason behind the repeated meals. Their lack of empathy meant they couldn’t understand the struggles their friend was going through.
This kind of cluelessness comes from a place of ignorance rather than malice but can be just as damaging as if it were intentional.
The person making these insensitive comments might genuinely believe they aren’t being rude, but what they don’t realize is the emotional toll it takes on the other person.
If they had an ounce of empathy, they might have even shared their own lunch. Even a simple gesture of understanding, like not making jokes, would have helped.
Empathy Is a Rare Quality
Most people around you don’t know what it means to be empathetic… Trust me! Not many people know what empathy is.. they like to think they are empathetic, but they’re not.
Empathy, I’ve come to realize, is a rare quality.
Empathy isn’t just about feeling sorry for the person, but it’s about understanding the emotions of the other person and responding in supportive ways. It involves putting yourself in someone else’s shoes, experiencing their emotions, and recognizing the struggles they face.
Many times, a person can only truly empathize when they have gone through similar experiences themselves. Similar experiences help relate to someone else’s pain or joy.
But what if you haven’t experienced what your friend is going through? It’s true that without shared similar experiences, you wouldn’t be able to empathize. But even if you can’t fully empathize, you can still be kind. Can’t you?
If you don’t understand what your friend is going through, at least don’t be rude. Everybody is fighting a battle you don’t know about. Be kind! Sometimes, simply being there for someone and showing that you care can make a huge difference.
So, next time you’re on the receiving end of a “sweet” comment that doesn’t sit right, remember – it’s not you, it’s them.
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