Is Gratitude The Secret of Happiness?
So you want to be HAPPY?
Let’s talk about Gratitude — the secret of HAPPINESS!
Gratitude is feeling thankful for something you already have or when someone gives you something you don’t have, you feel grateful.
For example, “I am grateful that I am alive” it’s something that you already have.
Similarly, if your aunt donates money for your mother’s treatment, you might express gratitude by saying, “I am grateful for the money you blessed me with,” acknowledging appreciation for something you didn’t originally have.
It’s so much easier to be grateful when everything seems fine when you are healthy, and life is going well for you. But what if you aren’t healthy or successful? Can you still be grateful in life?
Can you still be happy in life, knowing the fact that the disease you have will probably never heal?
Is gratitude the secret of happiness? It depends.
In my time working as a Social Worker in a rehab among alcoholics and drug addicts, where we counseled them on the attitude of gratitude, one of my works was to sit through sessions where we asked them to make an inventory of everything they were grateful for. Basically, they had to write down in their diary everything that they were grateful for in life and discuss it with their counselor later.
For them, it was very hard to note down what they were grateful for in life. Some of these people had lost everything in life—their wives had divorced them, their children had left them, they lost their jobs, reputation in society, etc.
Because of alcohol or drug abuse, most even had health issues that would never heal and could only be managed. There was one who had to undergo a liver transplant; some were HIV-positive, and yet others were suffering from other chronic illnesses. And here they were, maintaining a journal on the things they ought to be grateful for to be happy in life.
I don’t really know if this exercise brought any happiness in their lives! To me, it certainly did not. If I were in their place, perhaps I’d be grateful for certain things, but I’d not necessarily be happy.
Of course, when everything in life was well, then certainly, I’d be more grateful and hence more happy. But what if I lost everything in life? And I am not referring to losing a job, home or business. These things can be recovered. I am talking about everything you hold dear.
Imagine a man who had a 5-year-old son who died. His son was all he had. His son was his whole world. Would being grateful for things he has make him happy? I don’t think so. While he may be grateful for his job and other things, it wouldn’t necessarily make him happy in life.
Read: Why “Honey” doesn’t always mean sweetness.
Have purpose in life — you may find happiness.
Have something to look forward in life. The difference between life and death is hope:
At the end of the 2nd World War, the difference between Jews who survived and did not make the holocaust was hope. Viktor Frankl, in his book, “Man’s Search for Meaning,” says the Jews who survived had something to look forward to in life — they had hope!
This hope could be on anything — wife, children, career, etc.
Even when they were separated from their wives, not knowing if she was alive or dead, some Jews still hoped that they’d still be able to see their wives after the war.
Whether they were able to reunite with their wives is a different story but the fact is that this hope — that they’d be able to reunite with their family — helped them survive the holocaust.
“Those who have a ‘why’ to live, can bear with almost any ‘how.”
~ Viktor Frankl
These Jews would have had the gratitude that they were alive but certainly it didn’t bring them happiness.
But when you have hope, you may still find happiness. Imagine if a POW had given up all hope and died in the camp, but his wife survived the war, he’d have missed out on a happy ending.
So whatever, you are going through in life, stop focussing on how to be happy. Instead look outside of your self. Find something to look forward in life — whether it’s God, your spouse, your children, (______) – you name it. Find anything that brings purpose in your life.
Read: Why do I feel dumb compared to others?
Don’t pursue happiness. It’s not a good plan to be happy
I know you want to be happy. But here’s the thing: don’t pursue happiness. But hey, before you call me crazy, hear me out:
Fixating or wanting to be happy isn’t a great approach to being happy. The more you strive to attain a feeling of happiness, the more it can consume and control you. That’s why repeatedly telling yourself “I want to be happy” is a self defeating strategy.
Used to have an aunt who always complained that she wasn’t happy in life. She was always fixated on being happy. Hence she could never be happy in her life. Im sure you too know someone who’s always complaining about being happy in life.
It’s very similar to repeatedly saying to yourself, “Don’t be nervous,” only to feel disappointed because the more you fixate on a thought the more the thought will set you up to be nervous.
Don’t constantly think about being happy; instead, focus on something else — enthusiasm, for example.
My fiance’s mom is one such example. She is always enthusiastic. She’s a Filipino who lives in the US. Whenever she visits the Philippines, she is always very enthusiastic. She doesn’t dwell on “Oh I want to be happy,” no she doesn’t do that.. She is always finding means to engage the entire family through indoor games, or inviting people over for dinner or visiting nearby places to create memories. That’s enthusiasm.
On the other hand, my aunt, who always complains about being happy, wished she wasn’t fixated on her own feelings but rather found ways to “give” happiness rather than “receive” happiness.
Summary
To summarize, gratitude may or may not lead to happiness. It depends on your circumstances. However, you can still find happiness by living a purpose-driven life and giving love and happiness instead of only seeking to receive them.
Important life lessons for you:
- Gratitude may or may not lead to happiness always, but be grateful anyway.
- Don’t pursue happiness directly; instead share happiness with others to experience it.
