Stories from the Odyssey to learning Greek!
As someone who loves history, it’s fun listening to stories of great Greek conquests. But if I said that I have to learn Greek to fully understand those ancient tales, that would be a completely different story — it would be a laborious task.
Marriage is something like that — it’s laborious! In fact, in every department of life, there occurs a transition from dreamy aspirations to laborious doing.
From the boy enchanted by fairy tales in the nursery who grows up to discover the labors of reality, to lovers who have just been married, they must begin the real task of learning to live together.
A couple of weeks ago, I read a news headline that caught my attention: a famous Bollywood divorce lawyer, in a podcast, shared some common reasons behind divorces among Bollywood couples and super-rich families. But the thing that caught my attention was “boredom.”
People today are getting divorced because they are bored! It’s unsettling to hear something like that, whether you are married or single!
If you don’t want to be married to your spouse anymore, any reason is a legitimate reason, even if it’s lame as “I’m bored”.
Some marriages fail because people expect to be excited all the time. But that’s not possible. You simply can’t sustain that for 50 years or more.
That’s exhausting and unrealistic.
Some time ago, I read a book on passion — more in the sense of a hobby or an activity. The author writes:
“Passion keeps changing throughout the course of one’s life. You can’t be passionate about an activity for the rest of your life. It’s very unlikely.”
For example, yesterday, I was passionate about football, but today I am passionate about writing. Tomorrow I may not be passionate about writing as much. Perhaps I will love photography or videography more.
So even though I love writing today, tomorrow I might not love it as much. Perhaps I’d love photography more. The same goes with relationships in general. You can’t be “excited” all the time. You have to find other means or activities to relate to each other.
If you leave every time you get “bored,” you’re going to leave every time.
Any long-term marriage goes through ups and downs. You simply cannot ride on a wave of excitement and hormones all the time. Biology seems designed to keep couples bonded in an oxytocin-fueled haze of attraction, at least long enough to conceive a child.
However, building a family in the long haul is also about learning to love when life throws curveballs, despite the inevitable changes that come with aging.
Additionally, it’s not up to your spouse to make life scintillating, exciting, and a rollercoaster ride for you. That magical luster of the honeymoon phase is soon going to fade, no matter who you pair up with. It’s just a matter of time. The sooner you realize this, the better. This is normal. This is expected. Get over it. If you leave every time you get bored, you’re going to leave every time you feel that way. I guarantee you almost everyone in their own marriage has experienced this.
Boredom may result, but it’s up to the couples to figure out new ways of relating to each other or finding new activities to share. If you can’t overcome this, you risk your relationship going cold and dying.
Read about the 7 Greek words for love!
Marriages need maintenance. Willpower is required.
The other way to look at this issue is that perhaps you two have grown apart from each other, and you’re confusing loneliness with boredom. If you don’t do things with your partner that you usually would, you’re not bored; you are alienated from each other.
Maybe one or both partners have neglected the marriage or have unresolved issues, which has left you guys with nothing to talk about now. But here’s the question: how important is this relationship to you?
If this relationship is important to you, the next question you should ask yourself is that how far are you willing to go to save it.
Some of the best marriages I’ve personally seen are where the couples always have someone else — perhaps another couple who has been married for a long time — as their mentor or accountability partner. Someone who genuinely wants to help and provide an outside perspective.
I know relationships are hard, especially marriages. But here are a couple of ideas:
Consider seeing a marriage counselor or speaking to a couple who can mentor you. These are some of the things people in successful marriages usually do. In short, seek help if you need it.
Cheers!
Also read: Love, after all, is something the Devil can never create — Only distort and misuse!
