Why do I feel dumb compared to others? Understanding “Big Fish Little Pond Effect”
Why do I feel dumb compared to others? Social scientists call this the “Big fish, little pond effect.”
For context: My dad is a doctor. Growing up, I was very proud of him. Back in the village, people addressed him as ‘Doctor Saab,’ which made my chest swell in pride. Once, after my school summer vacation had gotten over, we were on a train going to school when we met a couple of other travelers. They were doctors, too. I must have been 8 or 9 years old then.
Since it was a couple of days’ travel by train, my dad and they got talking.
“So what do you do?.” I heard them ask my dad.
“…a doctor,” my dad said.
“Oh! You must also be doing surgeries?”
Apparently, those doctors were ‘specialists,’ pediatricians, I suppose.
Pleasantries were exchanged, some small talk here and there, some laughter, but I noticed one thing:
My dad fumbled as he replied, “Bas mamuli sa chhota mota surgery” (Just simple minor surgeries).
His face had a hint of discomfort. For the first time in my life, I saw my dad lacking confidence!
Read: 9 Life lessons you wished you’d learned sooner — you’d never believe no. 4.
Big fish little pond effect
More than a decade and a half has passed since then, but I still remember it even today. And this happens even to the best of us. We always fumble in front of people smarter or stronger than us. Don’t we?
No matter how strong you are, there will always be someone better.
I’ve fumbled. I’ve also seen my seemingly very confident friends too fumble in front of strong personalities.
For the most part of my life, I thought I lacked confidence. So I worked on “improving” my confidence, spoke reassuring and affirmative words to myself that “I am confident,” “Yes, you can do it,” “I’ve got this,” etc..But I never felt confident.
The fact is, if you look at life like this, you would continue to feel the way you already do.
In my humble opinion, no amount of chanting positive affirmative words will help you gain any level of confidence unless you understand this — it is what social scientists call the “Big fish little pond effect.”
It simply says (oversimplifying this for you):
When you’re the big fish (high-achieving person) in a little pond (low-achieving place), you naturally tend to feel more confident than your peers.
Conversely, when equally talented students (little fish) are in high-achieving environments (big pond), they compare themselves to their peers and conclude they don’t measure up.
This is a universal human behavior that’s very normal. You may be the strongest lion in the forest, but there will always be someone stronger than you.
So never underestimate yourself. It’s perfectly fine, if you don’t feel confident around people. Doesn’t mean you are stupid or less intelligent. Focus on yourself to improve your quality of life.
Just make sure, no one is constantly making you feel small at work or school. This is very important — if you don’t and continue to live in that toxic environment, you will end up feeling miserable and lost, probably for the rest of your life.
Sometimes, it’s better to be a small fish in a big pond
This makes sense as long as you are in a good environment.
A good environment looks something like this:
A workplace where there is trust, cooperation, safety, risk-taking effort, accountability, and equity.
So why is it better to be a small fish in a big pond?
For the simple reason that you get to learn from the best! You will never know your caliber unless you play with the best.
Back in the village, I was the best badminton player. I was the strongest dog in my alley until we had a match with the nearby village.
We were beaten black and blue. Embarrassingly lost all three sets. The point is you get to improve your game only when you play with the best.
You can’t be the best in your business by being the best in your own circle. You need to learn from others.
How?
By being the small fish in the big pond.
What would you be: A big fish in a little pond or a small fish in the big pond?
Do let me know in the comment section below.
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