How to not get angry or bothered by people?

In this world, nothing that happens to you can be bad, but what you choose to do with it can be bad. 

You can’t have a bad tree, you can only have a diseased tree. There’s nothing like you can have a bad tree. 

Only a human being who has the freedom of choice has the ability to do something bad. But here’s the thing: even when he hurts you, he can only do it to a certain extent. Beyond that, he has no control.

No human being can victimize you because the freedom of choice the person has to cause you hurt ends when they’ve made their choice. Beyond that, he has no control

God determines the outcome of your plans

I think the Freedom of Choice means you can choose to be bad. But will you succeed at being bad??? 

Well, that’s not in your control. 

For example, if you decide to kill someone and you point the gun at him and pull the trigger, that’s it; your freedom of choice is over. 

But will your victim die? 

That’s not up to you to determine its outcome. Sometimes the victim will die, sometimes he won’t. 

Who determines that? Not you! It’s God.

Like the gang that couldn’t shoot straight, suppose you decide to rob a bank. So you get in your car, you drive off to the bank, but unfortunately, you get stuck in the traffic. 

Did you rob the bank?

No.

But are you a bank robber? 

Yes! 

The point I’m trying to make is even if someone tried to harm you or victimize you, they could only do it to a certain extent, after which they have no power or control over you. 

Like the bank robber, a bad person has the freedom of choice to hurt you but he does not get to decide your destiny. You get to decide your destiny by responding well to his abuse.

I mean, if every time somebody wanted to kill someone, and he succeeded every time, we wouldn’t exist anymore. We’d all be dead. Hitler tried to kill all the Jews, and we can’t get over the fact that he killed six million. But that’s not what he set out to do. 

So why didn’t he succeed? 

Because he doesn’t get to decide the outcome of his actions. Sure, he had the freedom of choice to do what he wanted. But did he achieve what he set out to do?

No.

You only choose what you want. You have the freedom to make a choice. But you don’t get to decide the outcome.

Read: How to set boundaries with others?

Man makes plans, but God has the final say

I wanted to insult this guy. I was speaking and he was very annoying. I wanted to put him in his place and really insult him, and I said something really insulting. But he didn’t get it. It went right over his head and he wasn’t insulted. 

So, did I have my freedom of choice?

Yeah, and I chose to hurt this guy’s feelings! But it didn’t happen. 

Why? 

Because it wasn’t meant to happen. So does that interfere with my freedom of choice? 

No!!! 

I chose and I acted on my choice. The guy was too stupid to get the insult. So even though I had the freedom of choice, its outcome was not in my hands.

There’s another true story of a guy who wanted to commit suicide. He went up to the 87th floor of the Empire State Building and jumped out the window.

I mean, if you wanted to kill yourself, that’s almost guaranteed, but since the wind up there was so strong, it blew him back into the building, and he landed on the window sill of the 86th floor. He had a really bad headache.

So you see, he had the freedom of choice and chose to kill himself. But that didn’t happen, at least not that day. It didn’t happen because it was God who decided the outcome of his choice. 

You are never the victim of another human being. 

Joseph’s brothers sold him into slavery and now he’s the big shot, the Vice Roy of Egypt. Crazy, right?

So there they are, his brothers standing in front of Joseph, and they’re sure he’s going to take revenge…

But nope, Joseph just looks at them and says, “Hey, I’m not angry at you. Yeah, you made bad choices; that’s your problem, but what happened to me was my fate, and it all turned out pretty great.”

“So you better get your act together and worry about your bad intentions. But I got no complaints.”

In other words, what happens to me is not a direct result of what someone else does to me; instead, it hinges on how I choose to respond to those situations and the people involved. 

The Solution: How can I be happy and not angry?

Now, what if someone hurts you, your wife, your children, or your friends? What if they did something terrible that they should not have done?

Now you think that that’s the reason for your misery? 

Nope, there are people who experience far worse things than you, and they’re not sitting miserable. 

So, the person who meant to hurt you has only succeeded in making bad choices. That’s it. Beyond that, he has no control. Now, it’s up to you how you respond to that person or situation.

So now you have a choice. You can either act like a victim and then when people come to visit you, you’re expecting them to apologize to you. You’re expecting them to bolster your feelings and your self-esteem. You’re acting like a victim. 

You’re needy! Don’t do that… 

Maybe your children have hurt you, maybe they have said mean things to you, have disrespected you, but if they come to visit you, act like a father. Talk like a father. Give the child what they need to hear from you. You’re the father, not the victim. No matter how bad you had been in the past, and even if you’re locked up in prison and they’re out there. 

You’re still a father when they come to visit you. Teach them something. Show them how to be a decent human being. 

Don’t quit, and don’t act like a victim. 

So here again, the choice between being needed and being needy: don’t ever be needy with your children. 

Don’t ever be needy with your wife. 

Don’t ever be needy at all under all circumstances. 

Take the position of the giver. You can make a difference for them. Be a role model. 

That sounds strange. Isn’t it? You’re an inmate, you’re in prison. You’re being punished for your crimes and you’re a role model? 

Yes… yes! 

So what if you’re in prison? You, too, have the freedom of choice — and you have to take the position of the giver.

And when you act like a role model, you’re even greater than the guys out there because you’re not letting your existence rob you of your life. 

I have a friend who was in prison for eight years. He never stopped teaching. He would write letters to his children telling them right from wrong, encouraging them to be good, to be strong, to do the right thing, to be moral, and to be nice. 

He never stopped fathering because you can father from the inside just as well as from the outside. Unless you think fathering means taking your kid to a ball game. That’s not fathering. You can go to a ball game with anybody. 

So here’s again the freedom of choice means you can respond to the other person’s freedom of choice with freedom. 

You don’t have to be their victim. You can be their teacher. So when somebody comes to you who did you wrong, who hurt you and they feel like they did this to you and they apologize: “I’m so sorry for sending you to jail. 

“Excuse me, you’re not God! You didn’t send me to jail. Get off your high horse.” This should be your stand.

They are just people who make bad choices. That doesn’t make them God. That should be your attitude, like Joseph said to his brothers: “You think you sent me to Egypt?” 

“What do you think? You’re God?” 

No… you’re just jealous, petty people who made bad choices. 

That doesn’t put you in a position of authority, so don’t be a

victim; be a teacher. Be a role model. 

Next time, when people who’ve hurt you come to you, surprise them.

Walk in with a different attitude. Hi, what can I do for you? They’ll be impressed. What can you do for them besides being a role model, and what more do they need from you besides being a role model? 

Read: Do nice guys finish last?

Credits: Original author: Manis Friedman. Check the original content here.